


Voyager and the Three Qs

by MxEnby (RainbowSlushee)



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Gen, how do i even tag this?, mama Q and papa Q use the Voyager crew to practice being a parent, that's about it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:53:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28416414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RainbowSlushee/pseuds/MxEnby
Summary: When Janeway's oh-so-beloved nephew shows up with his oh-so-charming parents hot on his heel, arguing over who's the better parent, Voyager gets pulled into the resulting chaos as they each try to prove who's best able to raise Junior.After they look up what being a parent entails, of course.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 11
Collections: Star Trek Secret Santa 2020





	Voyager and the Three Qs

**Author's Note:**

> Another year, another gift fic. This one's for burlybrawl who wanted something Q related. I hope you like it!
> 
> Not super happy with this - feels a little disjoined? - but I doubt I'll ever be super happy with anything I write... I've read through it a few times but otherwise it hasn't been beta read or anything.
> 
> Oh and I haven't looked to compare how the Female Q is referred to by other writers, but I've just stuck with Lady Q so...

It's early afternoon, ship's time, as the bridge crew enjoys a slow and uneventful shift while listening to the captain and first officer discuss the differences between Earth's basketball and a similar, if much more _violent_ , sport played on Qo'nos, when the peace is shattered by a blinding burst of light.

"Aunt Kathy!" cries a very familiar voice. "You've gotta help me!"

Before anyone has a chance to react to the sudden appearance of the youngest Q, there's another flash of light heralding the arrival of _the_ Q himself. "There you are!" He frowns at his son, hands on his hips. "What were you thinking, running off like that without telling anyone?"

A third flash and Lady Q is suddenly there, too. "Oh stop smothering the boy! If he wants to go exploring on his own then let him! A little fun never hurt anyone!"

"It does when he has the annoying habit of provoking the Borg!"

"Oh please, he's promised to leave them alone-"

"And you _believe_ him? He also has the habit of saying what someone wants to hear just to get his own way! I'd be rather proud if I weren't the one constantly having to clean up after him."

"Are you calling my son a liar?!"

Turning away from the rapidly escalating argument for the time being, Janeway levels Junior with an unamused look. "Excuse me, but _what_ , exactly, is going on here?" A particularly sharp screech from Lady Q has both of them cringing. "And _why_ have you brought it to my ship?"

"I'm sorry, aunt Kathy," Junior says, fidgeting with his fingers, "but I didn't know who else to go to. They're driving me insane!"

Q gives a loud cry of indignation at whatever Lady Q just said to him, gesturing wildly with his hands. "That was _one_ time!"

The captain shares a look with her _nephew_. "I know the feeling."

"Okay, _two_ times, but the second one hardly counts!"

"So," Janeway continues, rubbing at her temple where a headache is _already_ starting to form, "wanna tell me what's going on?"

"Not sure what set them off this time," Junior starts, cringing again at another screech from his mother. "One minute they're trying to prove who has better aim by throwing asteroids at a gas giant, and the next they're fighting over me, arguing over who's the better parent." He pauses when Paris ducks, dodges, and rolls away from his station, having nearly been taken out by an irate Lady Q as she accuses Q of being a _hypocritical hellion!_ "I mean, the arguing isn't new," he continues, "I can usually get away, you know? But they won't leave me alone!"

Lady Q throws her hands into the air dramatically. "That was over a millennia ago! I doubt they're even still around!"

Q throws his own hands up, too. "No doubt because of you!"

Junior sends a desperate, pleading look towards Janeway. "They've been going on the like this for... well, time is different for Q, so let's just say it's been a while. Feels like forever, though."

The captain shares a look with her first officer. "What does the apparent accidental-"

"Or not-so-accidental." Chakotay cuts in.

"-or not-so-accidental destruction of what sounds like a sentient species have to do with being a good parent?"

Junior shrugs. "Neither of them really knows what being a parent entails so instead of comparing their qualifications or something they've just decided to prove who's the worst influence on me by pointing out all of the dangerous and irresponsible things each has done in the past."

Lady Q practically throws herself into Paris' previously vacated seat. "I was _helping_ them!"

"How is sinking the planet's largest and most populated land mass _helpful_?!"

Janeway pinches the bridge of her nose and pushes herself to her feet. "Alright, I think that's more than enough!"

While the two adult Q - though the term _adult_ is probably pushing it a bit at the moment - continue to glare at each other, they _do_ stop arguing much to the relief of everyone present.

"Right," Janeway starts, wondering how this became her life, "so, you're both trying to prove you're the better parent." They both open their mouths to no doubt start up again but a look from the captain has them keeping silent. "You're trying to prove who's the better parent, but neither of you know what a parent is meant to do."

Q wanders over and flops into the captains chair, draping himself over it dramatically. "It's so _hard_ , Kathy! I have no idea what I'm doing." He drops his head back with a whine before pointing at his companion accusingly. "And if _I_ don't know what to do, she _certainly_ doesn't!"

"Excuse me?!"

Paris cuts off the start of another argument with a snort. "Of course you don't know what you're doing." At the offended looks his statement earns him, he hurries to explain further before he gets turned into a slug. "Junior's your first, yeah? Every first-time parent is just as clueless. I mean, the databanks are full of advice and examples and self-help guides, but nothing beats good ol' personal experience, especially when it comes to kids."

Q seems to take what he says seriously because he adopts a contemplative look. "Yes, he's right. We need to see those databanks!"

"Uh, that's not exactly what I meant..."

Lady Q nods her head and stands, ignoring further attempts by Paris to regain their attention. "We'll go through the databanks, then we'll put what we learn to the test."

"Exactly. I need more experience if I want to be the perfect parent for Junior!" Q also jumps to his feet, a look in his eyes that has everyone on edge. "Then I can prove once and for all that _I'm_ the better parent!"

"Ha! All it'll prove is that you're utterly incapable of taking care of our son!"

"We'll just see about-" He's cut off by Lady Q disappearing in a flash of light. "How dare she!" Q disappears a moment later, leaving the bridge crew blinking spots from their vision. 

Paris returns to his station as the captain retakes her own seat with a bone-weary sigh. "I have a bad feeling about this."

That bad feeling stays with her, and the rest of the senior bridge crew, for the final few hours of alpha shift and leaves them all tense even as they make their way to the mess hall for dinner. Janeway shares a look with both Chakotay and Tuvok while approaching the mess as a loud cacophony of noise can be heard halfway down the corridor. The moment the doors woosh open they find themselves standing before utter chaos, and it takes a few moments for any of them to register what's going on.

Kim takes a hesitant step forward, speaking almost to himself. "Is the, uh... is the kitchen on fire?"

The words, barely heard over everything else, snaps Janeway into action and she shoves through the throng of people standing between herself and the literal wall of flames erupting from within the galley, Chakotay, Tuvok, Paris, and Kim following in her wake.

She reaches the front of the crowd which takes a collective step back from the fuming woman. "What the _hell_ is going on here?!"

Somehow Neelix hears her and bustles over, using an oven mitt to bat at his apron which has also caught fire. "Captain! Thank goodness you're here! I was getting the next meal ready when that Q fellow and a woman - a female Q? - showed up demanding I let them help in order to take, uh, take _proper care_ of the crew, they said." He stops to dodge a flame that's gotten a little too close for comfort before turning back to Janeway with a grimace. "I tried to stop them, I did, but there wasn't much I could do, especially since, well, I think they did something to the comm system, captain. Next thing I know nearly _everything_ is on fire! How they managed to set fire to the fridge, I'll never know..."

Gritting her teeth and taking a somewhat fortifying breath, Janeway pushes her way around the service counter and charges into the still-flaming kitchen like and enraged rhino. She vaguely registers being followed by Neelix and Chakotay as she grabs a large, unused pot and immediately begins filling it with water. Even with the fire, the water, and the large-and-still-growing-larger crowd, the increasingly familiar voices of her uninvited, and very much _unwanted_ , guests can be heard bickering and arguing while clearly ignoring the fire they started in the first place.

Full pot of water in hand, the captain completely bypasses the flames Neelix and her first officer have set to trying to keep from spreading further and instead heads straight for the bickering duo as they fight over a basket of fruit. Loud, affronted shrieking signals the end of the tug-o-war with the fruit as Janeway hurls the pot of water at the two Q in front of her. And if the pot itself gets tossed along with the water, well, she's got more important things to worry about at the moment.

Q seems to recover first, slicking his hair back while blinking owlishly at the captain. "Kathy! What-"

"Don't you _Kathy_ me, Q!" Janeway storms up into Q's face and, under any other circumstance, she'd find the way he stumbles away from her in surprise amusing. "I don't know what you two are trying to accomplish, here, but you're going to stop. _Now_. Starting by putting out the fire that's threatening to take out the entire mess hall!"

"We were just trying to help-"

"You can _help_ by dealing with that fire!"

Janeway stares him down until he throws his hands up in defeat. "Fine!" With a snap of his fingers the flames are gone, and Q has dried himself.

Lady Q huffs before drying herself, too, and leaning against the nearest wall. "No need to overreact, _Kathy_ ," she says with an eye roll. "We had everything under control."

"I'm sure you did, _Suzie-Q_." Janeway takes a step back and surveys the still smoking kitchen before scowling at both Q. "Listen, whatever you have to prove to each other, find some other way to do it. If you set fire to my ship again, I _will_ find a way to set _you_ on fire!"

Lady Q scoffs. "Oh please. We're Q."

Q makes a little humming noise and eyes Janeway speculatively. "I dunno. I think if anyone could figure out a way, it would be our dear Kathy."

Lady Q rolls her eyes again and pushes off from the wall. "You give your precious humans far too much credit," she says, making her way though the kitchen. "But if you really don't want me helping with dinner, fine. I have plenty of other ways to prove I'm the better parent."

Now it's Q who scoffs. "Oh please. Like you-" He doesn't get to finish his sentence before his companion pops away with a flash of light. "Damn it! I hate when she does that!" Then, with another flash, Q pops away, too.

Chakotay moves to his captains side and looks over the damage. "I've got a _really_ bad feeling about this."

Janeway hums in agreement before smacking her comm badge. "Janeway to Torres."

"Torres here, captain."

Chakotay leans in, voice low. "At least the comm system seems to be working again."

Janeway hums again before acknowledging her chief engineer. "I'm gonna need you to get a crew together to come up to the mess hall. The mess... is a mess."

"Uh, okay, captain." A pause. "We're on our way. Torres out."

Janeway pinches her nose with a sigh before turning to the others. "Would anyone like to tell me why the fire suppressors never went off?"

"Oh, they did, captain," Neelix says, already busy with the cleanup. "But our, uh, guests didn't appreciate being rained upon. Don't much like getting wet, I suppose."

Paris snorts. "At this point I think everyone on the ship knows they don't like getting wet."

"Yes, well, I think they did something to the sprinkler system."

Janeway sighs again. "Alright, have Torres look at them when she gets here, along with the comm system, just to make sure. I'm taking dinner in my quarters."

Chakotay falls in line with the captain as she begins making her way out of the mess. "I think I'll join you, if you don't mind."

"Not at all."

They hurry from the mess hall to avoid being there when Torres sees the state of things because, as angry as the captain is at the moment, she's got nothing on her chief engineer who doesn't even know what's she's in for yet.

Dinner itself is a quiet affair - the calm before the storm, perhaps? - followed by an enjoyable few hours between captain and first officer as they share a drink and catch up. Janeway calls it an early night soon after Chakotay leaves, but it feels as though she's only been asleep for a matter of minutes before she finds herself waking up the next morning.

Janeway grunts and rolls over towards the middle of her bed like a grumpy teenager trying to avoid school but freezes when she collides with something solid. Body jerking backwards on instinct, she snaps her eyes open only to find herself laying next to Q who appears to have been _watching her sleep_. With a shriek she never knew herself capable of, the startled woman hurls herself backwards, flails as she's pitched over the side of the bed, dragging the blanket with her, and lands in a painful, tangled heap on the floor.

Q leans over the side of the bed with what seems to be actual concern displayed across his face. "Are you okay, Kathy?"

Janeway gapes at him for a moment before jerkily wrapping the blanket around herself and pulling herself to her feet. "Am I okay? Am I _okay_? What are you _doing_ here, Q?!"

"Well, according to the databanks, many parents find joy in watching their child sleep-"

"Out!"

"What?"

"Out! Get out!" She grabs one of her pillows and swings it viciously at Q's head, just barely missing him.

Dodging a second swing, Q rolls off the bed and quickly backs away through the darkened quarters, hands lifted in an ineffective attempt to calm the woman in front of him.

The pillow-turned-weapon comes sailing at him at an impressive speed, and Q just manages to duck in time. "Alright, alright! Well, you're up now so-"

The second pillow immediately follows the first, and Q disappears in a small flash of light to avoid it just as the doors to the captains quarters open to reveal a rather concerned looking - for him at least - security chief who ends up taking the pillow at full force to the face.

The two stare at each other for a long moment before Tuvok clears his throat and steps into the room, allowing the door to close behind him. "Is everything alright, captain? I heard a cry of distress, and when I requested entry you failed to respond."

Janeway huffs and moves to retrieve her pillows. "Q was watching me sleep," she says, throwing both pillows back towards her bed with more force than necessary. "While _laying next to me_ in bed. Not exactly the kind of thing I like waking up to." She tiredly shuffles across the room and drops onto her couch. "Computer, what time is it?"

"It is 04:23."

Janeway raises an eyebrow at Tuvok. "You're up early." She regards his somewhat rumpled appearance, made more obvious by the simple fact that it's _Tuvok_ , and purses her lips. "Or should I say _late_?"

"Indeed, captain. I have not slept."

When it becomes obvious the vulcan isn't going explain on his own, Janeway rolls her eyes and waves him to the seat next to her. "And why is my chief of security skipping out on his much needed sleep? And don't give me any of that 'vulcans require less sleep than humans' crap."

Tuvok lowers himself to the couch and seems to hesitate before speaking. "I was attempting to locate the security reports I collected from beta shift three days ago."

"You lost... security reports? _You_?"

"No, captain. I am quite certain of where I left them."

"Then why couldn't you find them?"

"Perhaps for the same reason I could not locate my meditation lamp, or any of my burning incense."

Janeway frowns. "Do you think someone took them?"

"It is the only logical conclusion I have been able to come to."

"You're the chief of security. How could someone just break into your quarters without anyone noticing?"

"The same way someone broke into _your_ quarters without anyone noticing, I assume."

Janeway drops her head back and closes her eyes with a groan. They sit in silence for a few minutes until a thought crosses the captains mind. "Wait, if you're missing your lamp and incense, does that mean you haven't been able to meditate?"

"Indeed not."

"Oh, great."

Hours later finds Janeway on the bridge, valiantly fighting the urge to go barricade herself in her quarters and just _sleep_ for the next _week_. She's just leaned back in her chair with a cup of coffee cradled in her hands - because everything else be damned, she needs it - when the turbolift opens behind her. She turns to greet whoever has just arrived but pauses when she takes in the disheveled forms of Paris and Kim, both of whom look just as done with today already as she is.

She's pretty sure one, if not both, of their guests is responsible, and her suspicions are confirmed a moment later when they explain Q had visited them both shortly after waking up.

Kim runs a hand through his hair, refusing to meet anyone's eyes. "He, uh, took it upon himself to get me- _us_ ready for the day."

Paris nods with a grimace. "He dressed us and groomed us. By _hand_."

"Yeah. Though not necessarily in that order."

"And we passed more than a few others on the way here who seem to have suffered the same fate."

"I think I'm gonna have nightmares," Kim mumbles, scurrying off to his station.

Paris shuffles down to the helm and Janeway pinches the bridge of her nose. Honestly, spending the day in bed is becoming more and more tempting and Alpha shift has only just started. Though, now that she thinks about it, the shift _has_ started, yet the seat next to her is empty. Just as the thought crosses her mind, however, the turbolift doors woosh open again and a rather frazzled looking Chakotay barrels out, nearly tripping over his own feet in his rush to get to his seat.

Out of breath and fumbling to do up his uniform jacket, Chakotay drops himself next to the captain with an apology already spilling from his lips. "I'm sorry I'm late, captain. This morning just has just been-" He groans. "Sorry, I know that isn't an excuse-"

"No need to apologize," Janeway cuts him off. "It's just been one of those mornings." She salutes with her mug before drinking from it.

Paris turns and gives Chakotay a sympathetic look. "Did Q dress you, too?"

"What? No, no, I just- I couldn't find the collective status report from the department heads that we were going to go over today," he explains, dragging a hand down his face. "In fact, I can't find _any_ of my reports, or the novel I'd been reading. All the PADDs in my quarters have just vanished. I've been up for nearly two hours and most of that time was spent searching for them. I haven't even eaten," he says and, as if on cue, his stomach growls loudly enough to be heard by everyone on the bridge.

The captain waves him off with a shake of her head. "It's alright, commander. You aren't the only one who seems to be missing things from their quarters," she says, gesturing towards Tuvok. "Now, normally- well, things aren't normal at the moment, so just go use the replicator in my ready room to get yourself something to eat. Can't have my first officer keeling over on the job, after all."

Chakotay smirks a little. "Of course not, captain. Thank you."

Janeway leans back in her chair again and takes a long draw from her mug, wishing for a moment that there were something a little stronger than just coffee in it. She sits in the silence that fills the bridge which no one seems eager to break, and lets her mind drift for a while, vaguely registering Chakotay's return and the smell of some herbal tea.

Everyone on the bridge is content to work quietly at their stations, enjoying the calm that blankets them while they can, because they all know it's only a matter of time before something else comes up. That something else doesn't take long to make itself known but, instead of Q, or Lady Q, or _both_ , like everyone's expecting, the stillness is broken when the hesitant voice of Naomi Wildman, of all people, comes through the comm system.

"Um, hello, captain? I mean, Captain's Assistant to the Captain, please."

Sharing a quick look with Chakotay, Janeway straightens in her seat and clears her throat. "Go ahead, Miss Wildman."

It takes a moment for the girl to continue, and she's no less hesitant when she does. "Um, can you maybe, I mean, if you aren't busy, would you be able to come down to Cargo Bay 2 section, uh, section..." A pause. "The one on deck eight, with Seven and Icheb's alcoves. They need help." Another pause. "Please."

"I'm on my way," she says, setting her mug aside. "Janeway out."

"Thank you!"

Captain and first officer share a small smile over their youngest crew member before growing serious again, standing as one and making for the turbolift, drinks momentarily forgotten. Tuvok joins them, and the short journey to the cargo bay is made in silence. The three stride through the cargo bay doors, immediately seeking Naomi out, only to falter when they locate her.

The young girl is nervously standing near Seven's alcove, bouncing on her toes and twisting her fingers together. She looks at the captain briefly before returning her attention to the former drone who appears to be quite tied up at the moment. Literally.

Seven's wrapped tightly in blankets, like a cocoon, and ropes have been used to secure her to her alcove, keeping her from being able to move more than a few inches in any direction. The reason for Naomi having been the one to contact the bridge becomes apparent when they notice what appears to be an adult-sized pacifier of some kind in Seven's mouth which has also been tied in place to keep it from moving.

Janeway takes a step back to allow Chakotay and Tuvok to start in on trying to free Seven, and a quick glace confirms that Icheb is in much the same situation, except he's not alone in his alcove. "Junior?" She blinks at the two boys who have been wrapped together and also bound in place, though only Icheb has been gagged with a pacifier like Seven.

"Aunt Kathy! Good morning!"

"How long have you been here?"

"Oh, all night." He grins, utterly unconcerned with the situation. "I wished to have what you call a _sleepover_ with Itchy, so I joined him in his alcove. Mother stopped by shortly after he fell asleep and tucked us in to bed. She wanted to wake Itchy up so she could tell us a bedtime story, but I convinced her not to." He frowns. "I didn't want her waking up my Itchy."

Chakotay looks over from where he and Tuvok are working on the ropes tied to Seven's alcove. "If you've been here the whole time, why haven't you freed Seven or Icheb?" A pause. "Or yourself?"

The young Q shrugs, or at least tries to. "I like Itchy, and being wrapped up like this has been like one long hug," he says, ignoring the glare Icheb sends his way.

Before anything else can be said, the ship gives a hard jerk and sends everyone _not_ attached to an alcove to the floor. Chakotay immediately moves to help Naomi up, making sure she's uninjured, while Tuvok pulls the captain back to her feet. Another jerk in the opposite direction nearly has them sprawled on the ground again but they all manage to grab onto something, or someone, stable enough to ride it out.

Naomi smooths her hair down and looks around. "What was that?"

Janeway slaps her comm badge with a frown but a third jerk cuts off what she was about to say, and the only thing that keeps her on her feet his time is Tuvok's arm wrapped around her waist. Chakotay isn't quite so lucky, though it's mostly because he'd used his own body to cushion Naomi.

Junior sighs and with a flash of light releases himself and both former drones from their blanket cocoons. "They're fighting again."

Chakotay pulls himself into a seated position with Naomi in his lap. "What?"

Junior wraps his arms around Icheb in response to yet another, smaller, jerk. "It's like when they started fighting over me, except now they seem to be fighting over the ship."

Janeway scoffs. "Oh, we'll see about that!"

"Please, allow me," Junior says and a moment later, everyone from the cargo bay, Naomi included, suddenly finds themselves standing on the bridge where his parents are in the middle of another argument.

Janeway loudly clears her throat, gaining the attention of the squabbling Q. "What the hell are you two doing to my ship?"

Q throws his arms wide with a grin. "Kathy!"

Lady Q rolls her eyes. "Hello, _Kathy_ ," she says, smiling sardonically. "We're just trying to pick a vacation spot, but _someone_ is being difficult, as usual."

Q nods his head. "Yes, you are."

Lady Q glares at him, and Janeway raises a hand to interject. "Back up. Vacation spot?"

Q grins again. "A family vacation!"

Even his companion seems excited in her own way as she explains further. "At first I picked this beautiful little planet near the center of the galaxy-"

"But I felt you'd prefer something a little more exciting, like a visit to Earth back before humans existed - you do seem awfully fond of your dinosaurs," Q says, pushing Lady Q out of the way. " _Apparently_ that wasn't exciting enough-"

"Why run around with dinosaurs when you could experience a supernova from _inside_ the star?"

"I told her you wouldn't approve," Q says, shaking his head in disappointment.

"Their ship is full of _scientists_ and _explorers_! They'd love that sort of thing!"

"Not when you were planning to force the star to go supernova before it's time, which would wipe out the _sentient species_ that lives on one of the planets orbiting it!"

"Who cares about them? They haven't even developed a spoken language, yet!"

"Shows how much you know," Q says smugly. "It's kind of a thing with these starfleet types, looking out for the little guy and all that. You would have _ruined_ the entire vacation!"

Janeway glances at the viewscreen and raises an eyebrow at the blues, pinks, and purples she can see which look decidedly unfamiliar. "And where are we now?"

Q perks up and steps up next to the captain, throwing an arm around her shoulders. "See, I knew that if our family vacation were taken someplace no one has been before, like _inside an exploding star_ , you'd be too busy making observations, and performing scans, and _writing reports_ to actually relax like you're meant to while on vacation," he says, proudly puffing out his chest. "It's another reason why I didn't think the supernova thing would have been a good idea."

Janeway crosses her arms. "And the fact that Voyager isn't designed to be _in a star_ , exploding or otherwise..?"

"That too."

A few moments pass before Janeway gestures towards the viewscreen. "So where are we?"

"Oh! Right!" Q flashes to the front of the bridge and waves his arm towards the screen with a flourish. "Welcome to M-33."

"M-33?"

"Yes, yes, not a very creative name, I know, but that's the name it's listed under in your databanks."

"And where, exactly, _is_ M-33?"

"Two-point-seven million light years from your Milky Way galaxy, give or take a few thousand," Q explains, flashing to stand beside Janeway again. "Jean Luc's already been here with his ship so you don't have to worry about doing any scans or anything."

Junior takes a moment to look at the people on the bridge and frowns at the obvious frustration shown on their faces. "A family vacation sounds great," he says slowly, "and I'm sure everything you've been doing is, uh, _appreciated_..." He trails off, grimacing along with the others. "But surely you've gotten enough experience by now?"

His mother scoffs. "Hardly."

Q throws his arms out. "There's so much we haven't covered, yet!"

"Like teaching you how to swim and dance and _drive_!"

"And discussing the reproductive processes in a child-friendly manner, commonly referred to as 'the talk'," Q says, cocking his head to the side. "Though I'm unsure as to how avians and insects are involved."

Junior blinks in confusion before shaking his head. "I don't _need_ you to do all of that for me, though."

"But it's what parents are supposed to do."

His mother nods and crosses her arms. "And who else would tuck you into bed at night?"

"I can tuck myself in just fine, mother." Junior huffs and crosses his own arms.

The comment gives Janeway an idea and she latches onto it. "And would you say you can clean up after yourself, too?"

The younger Q furrows his brows, bemused, but an urging look from his aunt Kathy has him answering nevertheless. "Sure, yeah, I mean I definitely _can_ , I just usually choose not to."

"And can you feed yourself? Dress yourself?"

"Of course."

"Ah, well, there you have it, then." The captain gestures at Junior as if that explains everything, and his parents share a confused look.

Chakotay catches on and hurries to elaborate further. "The, uh, the primary _goal_ of any parent is to raise their child to be independent, and to care for them until they are," he tells them, clapping their son on the shoulder. "It sounds like you've done just that."

Janeway nods. "Leading by example, the both of you have made sure he knows how to feed himself, and how to clean up after himself."

"But I alrea-" Janeway clears her throat and gives Junior a look. "Right. Yes. That's true." He nods enthusiastically.

Chakotay smiles encouragingly. "He's perfectly capable of taking care of himself now, so I'd say you've both been equally successful as parents."

They still look unsure so Janeway forces herself to wrap an arm around Q with a smile. "As his father, you've shown him how to dress himself, and you," she says, turning and gesturing toward Lady Q, "as his mother, you properly demonstrated how to _safely_ tuck someone in at night."

"Yeah, aunt Kathy's right. I bet I could even tuck Itchy in, too!"

"There you go, not only have you raised your son to be _independent_ , but he can also take care of others like you did for him."

Q's eyes light up. "Grand babies!"

His companion gasps, horrified. "Oh, don't you dare! I'm far too young to be a grandmother!"

"You're over six billion years old!"

"How dare you!"

Realizing the landmine he'd just stomped upon, Q snaps his fingers and disappears in a flash.

"Get back here you-" Lady Q cuts herself off with a flash, leaving those on the bridge blinking back spots.

Chakotay is the first to break the silence. "Are they gone? Like _gone_ gone?"

Junior nods. "I think so, yeah." He turns to Janeway with a grin. "Thank you, aunt Kathy! I knew you'd help me!"

"I'd say something like 'no problem', or 'any time', but it would be a lie."

"Yeah, sorry about them."

Chakotay clears his throat and nods towards the viewscreen where M-33 can still be seen.

"Oh!" Junior straightens up, looking serious. "Don't worry, I'll get you back. It's the least I can do." He pauses for a moment with a thoughtful frown. "I'll also make sure to find you food and stuff to replace everything you lost when my parents tried to help with dinner. Sorry about that, too."

Janeway smiles reassuringly. "You're hardly the only one with a parent who should never be allowed in a kitchen."

Junior whips his hands through the air with a dramatic flourish - so like his father - and suddenly the viewscreen shows what appears to be the dark, _familiar_ expanse of the Milky Way. Janeway raises an eyebrow at Kim and he confirms their return a moment later.

"Any chance you know where our PADDs went?" Chakotay asks, and Junior frowns again.

"Not sure, but I bet I could find out!" He grins at his aunt again before surprising her with a hug. "Thank you, again! I'll get you food, and I'll find your PADD things, and then I'll go and make sure my parents don't bother you for a while, okay?" He turns and wraps Icheb in an even bigger hug. "Goodbye, Itchy! I'll come have another sleepover with you sometime soon!"

"See ya, Q-Ball," Icheb says with a smile.

Junior grins again and disappears with a flash.

"Well," Chakotay says, smiling despite everything. "That was interesting."

Things only get more interesting when Kim realizes that, while they're definitely in their own galaxy again, Junior hadn't taken them back to the exact location they'd been when his parents starting fighting over the ship but had, instead, dropped them off several thousand lightyears closer to the Alpha Quadrant. Then, shortly after confirming their location, an animated Neelix calls for the captains presence in the mess hall, and she arrives to discover the kitchen looking as perfect and pristine as it had ever been, compliments of Junior no doubt.

The excitement over the kitchen, however, becomes quickly overshadowed by the fact that the young Q had also collected enough 'replacement food' to fill over half of the dining area. What space isn't filled with the random assortment of foods is taken up by a massive pile of PADDs, which several officers had already started to sort through by the time the captain arrived, and, between the extra food and the years taken off their journey home, Janeway almost feels the entire experience was worth it.

Almost.

**Author's Note:**

> I had plans for a few other scenes, including one where Lady Q tries to bathe Torres after dealing with the burned out kitchen, one where several crew are in sickbay injured after the ship is fought over and both Q attempt to help comfort and coddle them, and one where they insist on a family fishing trip on the planet they finally decide on for the vacation and someone's almost eaten by a giant-ass fish... but time wouldn't allow it so I'll just have to settle for my imagination.


End file.
